Four Times Remus Watched Sirius Die
by Exceeds Expectations
Summary: And once he (almost) didn't. /Various AUs, implied Wolfstar. For Sam.


**A/N: **For Sam, because I cheated her out of wolfstar in favour of writing fanfiction _about _her. Does this make is slightly less creepy, Sammie?

* * *

**1**

Bellatrix prowls like a predator, dark eyes glinting, and there is a split second where Sirius cackles, the thrill of the fight bubbling up from his chest, and Bella strikes, the light from her wand hitting him square in the chest and then Sirius –

He _falls_ and –

"NO!" Harry screams and Remus can't even –

His arms are around Harry, holding him back, holding him _up, _and he is afraid to let go in case they both crumble.

* * *

**2**

"I can't believe you actually _did it,_" James laughs, taking Sirius' bag from his hands. "You _actually left._"

"Yeah," Sirius sighs, and the grin on his lips is forced and fragile. "I'm a free man."

"I wouldn't say that," comes Peter's voice, and James winks at Sirius, quirking his head to the doorway, where Remus stands with a plate of sandwiches and Peter with a pitcher of pumpkin juice.

"_Sirius._" Remus blinks. "I didn't think you were coming 'til next week." A quick grin shatters the shock on his face and he rushes towards Sirius, plate wobbling precariously in his hand. He gives Sirius a one-armed hug and his side burns with the heat of Sirius' body even as he pulls back to force James' mum's sandwiches on them.

"She keeps saying she needs to fatten us up," James mumbles around a mouthful of ham sandwich.

"I think I'm going to like it here," Sirius says, and they laugh and eat and don't worry about anything for the rest of the night.

They are awakened the next morning by the bedroom door swinging open with a _thunk _as it hits the wall.

Remus has about four seconds of furious blinking before his eyes catch up with his ears and he can understand all the shouting; Sirius' father has barged in from nowhere, robes billowing behind him as he starts across the room, heading straight for Sirius. Remus can't even process how he got into the house.

Sirius has dragged himself from his camp bed, is standing with his shoulders squared and his jaw set, shouting back at his father, and Orion is grinning viciously, like a demon.

Remus shifts in the bed, still confused, and Sirius' father's hand swings back and then there is a clatter and a _thump_ and Sirius hits the wall with such force that there is a loud _crack _and Remus' blood runs cold.

Remus watches as Sirius slinks to the floor in slow motion, and he wants to believe that he is still asleep, that this is a nightmare, because Sirius is leaving a trail of blood as he sinks, as bright as the morning light that streams through the window.

"No son of mine," Orion spits, and then he turns on his heel and is gone.

Remus looks at James, who is frozen in his bed, and Peter, who is shaking in the corner, and Sirius, who is sickeningly still, and none of them move.

"Boys, what the bloody hell is – _Merlin's beard!_" shouts Mr Potter, rushing in, white-faced.

Remus takes one deep breath before he screams bloody murder.

* * *

**3**

The Shrieking Shack creaks under Remus' weight as he sidles up the stairs, rage boiling in his chest.

"Let me explain..." he hears, that familiar growl, and the wave of hurt comes crashing back to him, the reason he has spent so much of his life alone, and the memories of _that voice_ whispering sweet nothings in his ear are far too much to take.

He bursts into the room, takes in the sunken eyes and the long, knotted hair, the thin frame and the hollow eyes, and he raises his hand and shouts the words – _Avada Kedavra, Avada Kedavra, I love you, I love you_ – and watches as the green light drowns the life from Sirius' eyes, and then he's crying and Hermione is screaming and Sirius' body has crumpled to the ground pathetically.

"Let's get you three back to the school," he croaks, and sets about helping Ron up on his bad leg.

Ron's rat runs across Sirius' chest, and Harry scoops to pick him up without saying a word.

Remus does not look back.

* * *

**4**

"Sirius Black, don't you dare," Remus hisses, pressing hard on the gaping wound in Sirius' chest. "Can you hear me? Sirius? _Say something_, for fuck's sake."

"He," Sirius tries, and his voice is horrifically gurgled, "couldn't... even ki – kill me...right..."

He chuckles, a horrible wet sound that turns Remus' stomach. "You're not dying, alright? Nope. Not now, not yet."

Remus presses hard against the wound, wishing he knew more healing spells, wishing he could magic this all away, wishing he could do something, _anything_, but he can feel the sick lurch of Sirius' pulse as it pounds beneath his palms.

"Remus, I – "

"Shhh, Sirius, it's okay," Remus whispers, you save your energy, okay? I need to keep you – you need to be awake when James and Peter get here, you need to – "

"Remus, it hurts," he croaks, and the sound crawls up Remus' spine. It is desperate and weak and so, so tired; it is the sound of a man who has given up.

"Sirius, Sirius, please," he pants, keeping one hand pressed firm to Sirius chest and reaching for his face with the other, stroking his cheek and grabbing at his chin and not caring that he's leaving bloody fingerprints there, because Sirius' eyes are starting to roll back in his head and Remus can't even breathe as Sirius starts to shake, as his chest starts to stutter, as he groans long and low and –

"Sirius, please, can you just – "

"Remus, where are you?" James calls, and Remus wants to shout _over here we're over here come quickly _but all he can do is try to breathe, try to choke out something that doesn't sound like a mangles cross between a sob and _Sirius._

When James and Peter finally find them, Remus has cried himself sick next to Sirius' lifeless form, and his hands are redredred with the blood of his lover.

"Remus," Peter says gently. "Why don't you come with me? I can take you back to Lily, yeah?"

But Remus won't move, long fingers tight around Sirius' wrist. "Sirius, Sirius, Sirius..." he sings, as if the gentle lilt of his voice will lace up the wound, will open Sirius' bright eyes once more.

When Peter eventually manages to pull Remus away, his bloody handprint sits on Sirius wrist like some sort of horrible bracelet.

* * *

**5**

Bellatrix prowls like a predator, dark eyes glinting, and there is a split second where Sirius cackles, the thrill of the fight bubbling up from his chest, and Bella strikes, the light from her wand hitting him square in the chest and then Sirius –

He _falls_ and –

He stumbles backwards and –

There is a _thunk _as he hits the wall and he shouts and he screams and pushes himself forward and the battle rages on, and Remus doesn't dare blink, not for a second.

* * *

_**(6 or 7 or 23 or 198)**_

_**(it doesn't matter, not anymore)**_

_(That night, he tucks a strand of hair behind Sirius' ear and whispers to him, soft as anything._

_"I'm amazed we've lasted this long," he says. "Think of all the times we've nearly died."_

_Sirius leans into his palm, face warm and soft, and Remus breathes in the scent of him and promises himself he will never forget this. _Sirius is quiet_, he thinks, _too quiet_, and then –_

_"Remus, dear, are you alright?" Molly asks, and Remus turns to her with his stomach sinking, turns back to where Sirius is, where Sirius was, where Sirius _isn't_, and feels the tingle of nothingness shiver around him._

_"Sirius was just... He was right there."_

_He blinks, and Molly walks forward and wraps him in her arms, and he wonders how he got here, what happened, where Sirius has gone, but Molly whispers her _it's okay_s with such pity, and nothing makes much sense now anyway.)_


End file.
